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I Apologize In Advance

Katie Canavan & Aaron Hess

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I Apologize In Advance

I Apologize In Advance

Katie Canavan & Aaron Hess

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About Us

Katie and Aaron bring their very different perspectives on relationships and sex in the 21st century and apply vigorous amounts of wit and sincerity to the issues that crop up each week from hilarious and intimate stories told by the denizens of Los Angeles and beyond.

Latest Episodes

017 - Megan "Try And Get The D I Guess"

EMegan meets a super hot guy that is totally into her, but when she goes home with him, things devolve in a number of uncomfortable and unexpected ways, but he still manages to make it even worse on social media for months after. Well done, guy! Katie and Aaron discuss the merits of pajama parties, housecoats, robes, and the trials and tribulations of focusing too much on the hardness of penises. pajama party fetishnew robesMy Man Godfrey - 1936 classic film starting Carole LombardThe Squishiness DepartmentFlaccidity, Boners, Tinkerbell and YouPoking, Prodding, Plumming, Snaking, SquishingWhiskey DickExcessively attractive people and how bad they can be at sexNiche/Target Market Dating Sites

48 MIN2016 JAN 23
Comments
017 - Megan "Try And Get The D I Guess"

016 - Allison "Chocolate Pudding and Nonsense"

EThe return of Allison! Our first returning storyteller, Allison shares the unlikely tale of the time she signed up for a “class” at an all women’s music festival to learn about…rubbing pudding on a bunch of other naked women. Katie and Aaron discuss sneaky sex toys, the Korean spa versus just being naked around jerks, and the merits of paying for dating sites. Chocolate Women RuleGetting naked with lesbians in a field in MichiganThe “Death Grip” a la Dan SavageGetting off from a crab pincering your dick - like you dohitachi magic wandplausible deniability toysput the Fleshlight up to your face, maybe?The History of the Rabbit Vibrator: http://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/advice/a4805/history-of-the-rabbit/scrotum fettuccini sploshing vs. gooshingThe grossest 24 Hour Fitness in the country:http://www.zocalopublicsquare.org/2011/03/30/the-nations-most-revolting-fitness-club-mine/chronicles/where-i-go/The Korean SpaWearing Leggings from World of Leggings at Sin City Shootout: DodgeballQueer Social NicheficationBowler Hat and Point Shoes at Burning ManTo pay or not to pay for dating sites and apps

47 MIN2016 JAN 13
Comments
016 - Allison "Chocolate Pudding and Nonsense"

015 - Max "I'm An Asshole"

EMax brings a matching set of twin stories that convince us that’s it’s probably good that he stopped drinking. Aaron and Katie discuss Sexy Lists, choir nerds getting it on together, and lock down exactly what dating apps were the best in 2015. Resolutions are dumb, goals are badassA 100 things listsexy lists: reality vs expectationdrinking and cheating and cheating and drinkingcuckolding, home wrecking, and alcoholism, OH MY!all the show choir nerds getting’ it on with each otherdating within a small, incestuous social groupinherent dramatryna get fucked by a bunch of women at United Oil before I leave town cuz my music taste is legit as hellSean Connery voice improves everythingeating doritos like little girlsDiscomfort Zone: Tinder wins 2015, but Bumble is a strong runner up, particularly for Lady Babesdick is abundant and of low valuesome chick on KPCC or whatever

55 MIN2016 JAN 6
Comments
015 - Max "I'm An Asshole"

014 - New Year's Triplesode

EIn this very special fun-sized New Year's Triple-sode we are escaping 2015 by giving you guys three stories that weren't quite thick enough for a whole episode, but are awesome nonetheless. Linette gets busy with an arrogant guy that is perhaps overcompensating, Margaret freaks at her very first romantic exchange, an Kiki discovers the kinkiest activity ever. tiny penis problemsbeard to genitals application calculusif Radiolab said it, then we know it’s true5th grade valentine’s day cardschildhood romance terror“dominant” guys who are really just assholessexy bald stunt guyRachel and Robert“normaling” a la 30 Rockthe “danger” in kink behavior coming from emotional intensity rather than the physical#SPLA: Sex Positive LAOrpheus Black making a list of 17 sexy things that you want to do in the next yearbutt plugs all daywhat roleplay are you into?#lovemenusroll a natural 20, and somebody’s getting peggedmake a list, and make a damn game

35 MIN2015 DEC 30
Comments
014 - New Year's Triplesode

013 - Dennis - Xmas Special "The Whore Details"

ECHRISTMAS SPECIAL!!!In this Holiday Special Episode, friend of the show Dennis tells us the amazingly misguided tale of cruising for a street walker in Hollywood after a metal show in 1987, and it just gets better from there. Katie & Aaron play a drinking game with the audience based on their too often used phrases, discuss the variety in dicks, rejection on the internet, unveil a future social engineering experiment, wrestle with gender identity as “deception”, and the all important question “What Would Buddy the Elf Do?”.ACHTUNG! THIS EPISODE IS GRAPHIC - YOU ARE WARNED! Xmas, Holiday Drinking Game RULES:If Aaron: says paradigm dynamic fascinating or interesting, OR references a book/movie, or makes a verbal sound effectIf Katie: says “sure”, makes a silly voice, and in the case of a snort, drink twice! If you don’t drink, maybe find another podcast this week. 80s metal heads need datesejaculating on the ceilingsome dicks are more complicated than otherspicking up prostitutes on Santa Monica Blvd in 1987rejection on the internetthe ethical dilemmas inherent in soliciting sex workDeception vs. Your Gender Performance not meeting heteronormative prejudiceWhat Would Buddy the Elf Do if he accidentally picked up a streetwalker on Christmas Eve?weird veiny Will Ferrell handsVery Shiny Woman

64 MIN2015 DEC 24
Comments
013 - Dennis - Xmas Special "The Whore Details"

012 - MALIKA "He's Going For The Sex"

EMalika was a 30 year old virgin, and according to her voice coach, definitely not a whole person. A few glasses of wine and uber rides later, she was ready to tell us her story. Aaron and Katie discuss whether Christmas is Sexy, the creepy and amazing quality of AOL chatrooms on teenagers, and bringing significant others home for the holidays. A gay pirate searches for his lost comrades. A three snort episode for all the virgins of every age. bringing partners home for the holidayshome for the holidays starring holly hunter and iron maninappropriately sexy presents from mom for your girlfriendKatie is a hip, trendy, quirksterChristmas is Anti-SexySexy vs. Snuggly binaryChristmastime is a mountain of snuggles30 year old virgin“do you want to cyber?”sex is a gift, your virginity the wrapping paper, and patriarchy is super disgusting and miserablevirginity as a liabilityvoice teachers are all assholesthe nicest pair of pajamas that you ownparticipating in all of the positionsuse condoms you silly virgins!shame (?)religious conservative sexual shameyour parents giving you a sex bookhumans are the sexiest animals in the worldSEX AT DAWNWHY IS THE PENIS SHAPED LIKE THAT?porn sounds vs. porn imagesneeding a ride home gets you laidsurprise car makeoutsbuy the new 2016 four door Hyundai Smoochfestthe definition of a sexy friendasexuality and the mandatory participation in sexual relevancehe asked me to be his girlfriend on AOLthe nature of trolling#justoverallsAaron is probably a robot

86 MIN2015 DEC 17
Comments
012 - MALIKA "He's Going For The Sex"

011 - Joe "Got Married On A Dare"

EJoe is a stoic, logical guy, who one time descended into an irresponsible dare-spiral that bottomed out in the most dangerous game of all: matrimony. Katie and Aaron discuss how not to break up, and Katie performs a social experiment by inviting 15 guys out to the bar to meet her and her friend on the location-based dating app BUMBLE. dating daresSO GREASY, SO HOTunnecessary pen clicking by Aaronevery sperm is sacred#leapfroggingemotional migrationJanet time is over, Marsha is foreversecret marriage/bank robbery/weight watchersMASTERMINDsecond marriages#wingbabeBumble-a-thonwe only swipe on guys named Kevinstate fair dateMaster of None on friggin Netflix

53 MIN2015 DEC 9
Comments
011 - Joe "Got Married On A Dare"

010 - Elle "A Little Wet"

EIAIA Elle A Little Wet During a substance-addled hookup with a friendly neighborhood bartender, Elle gets a rude awakening from an unwanted guest. Katie and Aaron talk dick pics. The first installment of “The Progressive Rock Man”. (Huge) Boob Life extreme sexual features ostentatious sexual displays coke filled night he had a lot of pets sex swing and all that Jessica Jones on Netflix with bunnies building dungeon stuff #TheLiberator if only your orifices were organized in a more efficient way furniture fuckability be the furniture you are #iwasfabricatedthisway Mary Roach’s book “BONK” Bunny Behavior aka “Let’s Fuckin’ Snuggle”s WHY DICKPICS??? Strange Dickpics a new hobby that lives in your pants and screams at you all day 1000% Creepstars All Day #POLEVAHLT www.flirtmoji.co/ hot dogs everywhere Outside Lands San Fransisco Prog Rock Man Vol. 1

64 MIN2015 DEC 2
Comments
010 - Elle "A Little Wet"

009 David "Damaged Dating"

EDavid recounts a profound experience when he crashed into another damaged human being in one intense, disorienting evening full of honesty and realness. Aaron and Katie welcome a special guest (and actual relationship expert) Erica onto the podcast to lend a hand with some of the big issues this week. Aaron experiences a four-way missed connection, and Katie discusses her FIRST Tinder date!#RBFsecret NHL gameOur Guest, Erica: Couple & Family Therapist!non-mandatory identity and orientationBecause #Bukowski did it onceTrouble MagnetSubstance issuesparent wallet photosDrunk Date Warp Whistlesecret alcoholic messes“we are past Pinkberry”street harassmentfor weirdos onlygotta smooch’m all

78 MIN2015 NOV 19
Comments
009 David "Damaged Dating"

008 Sam and Abby "The Beauty of Tinder"

EChange your underwear and get the facial tissues ready for this super special DOUBLE STORY, where Sam and Abby tell us the incredible tale that starts with swiping right on a Muppet at 1:30 in the morning and ends with...murder?! No, not murder! But the truth is equally surprising. Seriously, this is the crying one, if you're looking for the crying one. Also Katie and Aaron discuss IUD mishaps, their mutual Halloween hangovers, tackle the not-so-focused app #CoffeeMeetsBagel, and ask the all important questions "What Would Andy Warhol Do?" TALKING POINTS: Aaron finally gets Katie on a Never Ever #theandywarholofTinder BANE F. TOMPKINS POLLEN ALL OVER MY FACE WW Andy Warhol Do? Secret Mom Party IUD Shenanigans The Bloody Seamen muppet lovers #nevernotmuppeting #modernromance gwendolyn is a bitch COFFEE MEETS BAGEL

61 MIN2015 NOV 11
Comments
008 Sam and Abby "The Beauty of Tinder"

Latest Episodes

017 - Megan "Try And Get The D I Guess"

EMegan meets a super hot guy that is totally into her, but when she goes home with him, things devolve in a number of uncomfortable and unexpected ways, but he still manages to make it even worse on social media for months after. Well done, guy! Katie and Aaron discuss the merits of pajama parties, housecoats, robes, and the trials and tribulations of focusing too much on the hardness of penises. pajama party fetishnew robesMy Man Godfrey - 1936 classic film starting Carole LombardThe Squishiness DepartmentFlaccidity, Boners, Tinkerbell and YouPoking, Prodding, Plumming, Snaking, SquishingWhiskey DickExcessively attractive people and how bad they can be at sexNiche/Target Market Dating Sites

48 MIN2016 JAN 23
Comments
017 - Megan "Try And Get The D I Guess"

016 - Allison "Chocolate Pudding and Nonsense"

EThe return of Allison! Our first returning storyteller, Allison shares the unlikely tale of the time she signed up for a “class” at an all women’s music festival to learn about…rubbing pudding on a bunch of other naked women. Katie and Aaron discuss sneaky sex toys, the Korean spa versus just being naked around jerks, and the merits of paying for dating sites. Chocolate Women RuleGetting naked with lesbians in a field in MichiganThe “Death Grip” a la Dan SavageGetting off from a crab pincering your dick - like you dohitachi magic wandplausible deniability toysput the Fleshlight up to your face, maybe?The History of the Rabbit Vibrator: http://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/advice/a4805/history-of-the-rabbit/scrotum fettuccini sploshing vs. gooshingThe grossest 24 Hour Fitness in the country:http://www.zocalopublicsquare.org/2011/03/30/the-nations-most-revolting-fitness-club-mine/chronicles/where-i-go/The Korean SpaWearing Leggings from World of Leggings at Sin City Shootout: DodgeballQueer Social NicheficationBowler Hat and Point Shoes at Burning ManTo pay or not to pay for dating sites and apps

47 MIN2016 JAN 13
Comments
016 - Allison "Chocolate Pudding and Nonsense"

015 - Max "I'm An Asshole"

EMax brings a matching set of twin stories that convince us that’s it’s probably good that he stopped drinking. Aaron and Katie discuss Sexy Lists, choir nerds getting it on together, and lock down exactly what dating apps were the best in 2015. Resolutions are dumb, goals are badassA 100 things listsexy lists: reality vs expectationdrinking and cheating and cheating and drinkingcuckolding, home wrecking, and alcoholism, OH MY!all the show choir nerds getting’ it on with each otherdating within a small, incestuous social groupinherent dramatryna get fucked by a bunch of women at United Oil before I leave town cuz my music taste is legit as hellSean Connery voice improves everythingeating doritos like little girlsDiscomfort Zone: Tinder wins 2015, but Bumble is a strong runner up, particularly for Lady Babesdick is abundant and of low valuesome chick on KPCC or whatever

55 MIN2016 JAN 6
Comments
015 - Max "I'm An Asshole"

014 - New Year's Triplesode

EIn this very special fun-sized New Year's Triple-sode we are escaping 2015 by giving you guys three stories that weren't quite thick enough for a whole episode, but are awesome nonetheless. Linette gets busy with an arrogant guy that is perhaps overcompensating, Margaret freaks at her very first romantic exchange, an Kiki discovers the kinkiest activity ever. tiny penis problemsbeard to genitals application calculusif Radiolab said it, then we know it’s true5th grade valentine’s day cardschildhood romance terror“dominant” guys who are really just assholessexy bald stunt guyRachel and Robert“normaling” a la 30 Rockthe “danger” in kink behavior coming from emotional intensity rather than the physical#SPLA: Sex Positive LAOrpheus Black making a list of 17 sexy things that you want to do in the next yearbutt plugs all daywhat roleplay are you into?#lovemenusroll a natural 20, and somebody’s getting peggedmake a list, and make a damn game

35 MIN2015 DEC 30
Comments
014 - New Year's Triplesode

013 - Dennis - Xmas Special "The Whore Details"

ECHRISTMAS SPECIAL!!!In this Holiday Special Episode, friend of the show Dennis tells us the amazingly misguided tale of cruising for a street walker in Hollywood after a metal show in 1987, and it just gets better from there. Katie & Aaron play a drinking game with the audience based on their too often used phrases, discuss the variety in dicks, rejection on the internet, unveil a future social engineering experiment, wrestle with gender identity as “deception”, and the all important question “What Would Buddy the Elf Do?”.ACHTUNG! THIS EPISODE IS GRAPHIC - YOU ARE WARNED! Xmas, Holiday Drinking Game RULES:If Aaron: says paradigm dynamic fascinating or interesting, OR references a book/movie, or makes a verbal sound effectIf Katie: says “sure”, makes a silly voice, and in the case of a snort, drink twice! If you don’t drink, maybe find another podcast this week. 80s metal heads need datesejaculating on the ceilingsome dicks are more complicated than otherspicking up prostitutes on Santa Monica Blvd in 1987rejection on the internetthe ethical dilemmas inherent in soliciting sex workDeception vs. Your Gender Performance not meeting heteronormative prejudiceWhat Would Buddy the Elf Do if he accidentally picked up a streetwalker on Christmas Eve?weird veiny Will Ferrell handsVery Shiny Woman

64 MIN2015 DEC 24
Comments
013 - Dennis - Xmas Special "The Whore Details"

012 - MALIKA "He's Going For The Sex"

EMalika was a 30 year old virgin, and according to her voice coach, definitely not a whole person. A few glasses of wine and uber rides later, she was ready to tell us her story. Aaron and Katie discuss whether Christmas is Sexy, the creepy and amazing quality of AOL chatrooms on teenagers, and bringing significant others home for the holidays. A gay pirate searches for his lost comrades. A three snort episode for all the virgins of every age. bringing partners home for the holidayshome for the holidays starring holly hunter and iron maninappropriately sexy presents from mom for your girlfriendKatie is a hip, trendy, quirksterChristmas is Anti-SexySexy vs. Snuggly binaryChristmastime is a mountain of snuggles30 year old virgin“do you want to cyber?”sex is a gift, your virginity the wrapping paper, and patriarchy is super disgusting and miserablevirginity as a liabilityvoice teachers are all assholesthe nicest pair of pajamas that you ownparticipating in all of the positionsuse condoms you silly virgins!shame (?)religious conservative sexual shameyour parents giving you a sex bookhumans are the sexiest animals in the worldSEX AT DAWNWHY IS THE PENIS SHAPED LIKE THAT?porn sounds vs. porn imagesneeding a ride home gets you laidsurprise car makeoutsbuy the new 2016 four door Hyundai Smoochfestthe definition of a sexy friendasexuality and the mandatory participation in sexual relevancehe asked me to be his girlfriend on AOLthe nature of trolling#justoverallsAaron is probably a robot

86 MIN2015 DEC 17
Comments
012 - MALIKA "He's Going For The Sex"

011 - Joe "Got Married On A Dare"

EJoe is a stoic, logical guy, who one time descended into an irresponsible dare-spiral that bottomed out in the most dangerous game of all: matrimony. Katie and Aaron discuss how not to break up, and Katie performs a social experiment by inviting 15 guys out to the bar to meet her and her friend on the location-based dating app BUMBLE. dating daresSO GREASY, SO HOTunnecessary pen clicking by Aaronevery sperm is sacred#leapfroggingemotional migrationJanet time is over, Marsha is foreversecret marriage/bank robbery/weight watchersMASTERMINDsecond marriages#wingbabeBumble-a-thonwe only swipe on guys named Kevinstate fair dateMaster of None on friggin Netflix

53 MIN2015 DEC 9
Comments
011 - Joe "Got Married On A Dare"

010 - Elle "A Little Wet"

EIAIA Elle A Little Wet During a substance-addled hookup with a friendly neighborhood bartender, Elle gets a rude awakening from an unwanted guest. Katie and Aaron talk dick pics. The first installment of “The Progressive Rock Man”. (Huge) Boob Life extreme sexual features ostentatious sexual displays coke filled night he had a lot of pets sex swing and all that Jessica Jones on Netflix with bunnies building dungeon stuff #TheLiberator if only your orifices were organized in a more efficient way furniture fuckability be the furniture you are #iwasfabricatedthisway Mary Roach’s book “BONK” Bunny Behavior aka “Let’s Fuckin’ Snuggle”s WHY DICKPICS??? Strange Dickpics a new hobby that lives in your pants and screams at you all day 1000% Creepstars All Day #POLEVAHLT www.flirtmoji.co/ hot dogs everywhere Outside Lands San Fransisco Prog Rock Man Vol. 1

64 MIN2015 DEC 2
Comments
010 - Elle "A Little Wet"

009 David "Damaged Dating"

EDavid recounts a profound experience when he crashed into another damaged human being in one intense, disorienting evening full of honesty and realness. Aaron and Katie welcome a special guest (and actual relationship expert) Erica onto the podcast to lend a hand with some of the big issues this week. Aaron experiences a four-way missed connection, and Katie discusses her FIRST Tinder date!#RBFsecret NHL gameOur Guest, Erica: Couple & Family Therapist!non-mandatory identity and orientationBecause #Bukowski did it onceTrouble MagnetSubstance issuesparent wallet photosDrunk Date Warp Whistlesecret alcoholic messes“we are past Pinkberry”street harassmentfor weirdos onlygotta smooch’m all

78 MIN2015 NOV 19
Comments
009 David "Damaged Dating"

008 Sam and Abby "The Beauty of Tinder"

EChange your underwear and get the facial tissues ready for this super special DOUBLE STORY, where Sam and Abby tell us the incredible tale that starts with swiping right on a Muppet at 1:30 in the morning and ends with...murder?! No, not murder! But the truth is equally surprising. Seriously, this is the crying one, if you're looking for the crying one. Also Katie and Aaron discuss IUD mishaps, their mutual Halloween hangovers, tackle the not-so-focused app #CoffeeMeetsBagel, and ask the all important questions "What Would Andy Warhol Do?" TALKING POINTS: Aaron finally gets Katie on a Never Ever #theandywarholofTinder BANE F. TOMPKINS POLLEN ALL OVER MY FACE WW Andy Warhol Do? Secret Mom Party IUD Shenanigans The Bloody Seamen muppet lovers #nevernotmuppeting #modernromance gwendolyn is a bitch COFFEE MEETS BAGEL

61 MIN2015 NOV 11
Comments
008 Sam and Abby "The Beauty of Tinder"
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