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Paper News Out Loud

Alternate Reality Productions

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Paper News Out Loud

Paper News Out Loud

Alternate Reality Productions

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About Us

An absurdist news comedy that just might make you laugh. Come learn how the sun going supernova will impact your week and what to do if your children are magicked into cast iron skillets. Are you wondering how to put the ghosts in ghost peppers? We have the infusion recipe for you. There’s something for everyone on Paper News Out Loud.

Latest Episodes

Ep. 35 Weirden Your Horizons

EIf you don’t wake up in the morning feeling like P. Diddy. If you don’t rise and shine. If you would rather burrow deep into your bed until the sheets attach to your skin, this episode is for you. Learn the proud history of the American breakfast from notorious breakfast lover Diane, followed by reviews of products to make your morning more delightful. Then our podcasters help a distressed morning diva find peace in coffee. This is Paper News Out Loud. A big ole thank you to all who submitted product ads: Sammy (@SammyMadafiglio) from Queer Dungeoneers (@QueerDungeons) Kyle (@KyleTheTurner) from The M Word (@mwordpod) Crispysteve (@Crispysteve42) Headline: https://priceonomics.com/how-breakfast-became-a-thing/ https://www.mashed.com/131396/5-things-you-should-eat-for-breakfast-and-5-you-should-always-avoid/ Products: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00E5LEQVE/ref=aslisstl?&ascsub&linkCode=sl1&tag=bfmaitland-20&linkId=450de12312ef5cb3cc720591289ecdf8 https://www.amazon.com/Hoan-Bagel-Gui...

41 MIN2019 JAN 30
Comments
Ep. 35 Weirden Your Horizons

Ep. 34 The Solstice Is Nigh

EIf four horsemen herald the apocalypse, who heralds the winter solstice? That’s right, it’s Florence and Diane. Armed with t-shirt cannons filled to the brim with confetti, hearts full of love, and eyes devoid of pupils, they’ve come knocking on your podcatcher to spread the joy of the solstice. Florence gives you a glimpse of what to expect during the solstice, they cuddle you by the yule log to lull you to sleep with a solstice tale, and Diane helps a listener get the best legal photos of the moon the world has ever seen. This is Paper News Out Loud. Headline: https://earthsky.org/astronomy-essentials/everything-you-need-to-know-december-solstice Wikihow: https://www.wikihow.com/Photograph-the-Moon Music by Jake Harrison: https://soundcloud.com/atthisbeats Look at our website with them eyeballs: https://alternaterealityproductions.wordpress.com/ And check our the home of our network: https://almostbetter.net/ If you’re lucky, you’ll develop all the psychic powers! Support Pap...

32 MIN2018 DEC 21
Comments
Ep. 34 The Solstice Is Nigh

Ep. 33 The Gift That Keeps Giving: Leftovers

EWhat has two heads and gobbles? Florence and Diane in this week’s post-Thanksgiving episode. Florence answers the big question, “Where did leftovers come from?” while Diane helps a helpless listener fix their cleaning conundrum. A little late for Black Friday, a fresh new stack of classifieds is coming our way. This is Paper News Out Loud. Headline: https://www.history.com/news/the-curious-history-of-leftovers Wikihow: https://www.wikihow.com/Clean-Your-House-After-a-Wild-Party Music by Jake Harrison: https://soundcloud.com/atthisbeats Look at our website with them eyeballs: https://alternaterealityproductions.wordpress.com/ And check our the home of our network: https://almostbetter.net/ If you’re lucky, you’ll develop all the psychic powers! Support Paper News Out Loud by donating to the tip jar: https://tips.pinecast.com/jar/paper-news-out-loud Send us your feedback online: https://pinecast.com/feedback/paper-news-out-loud/89f6a41d-acbb-4dce-9b9a-9f121a980f1a This podcast is...

34 MIN2018 DEC 20
Comments
Ep. 33 The Gift That Keeps Giving: Leftovers

Ep. 32 One More Halloween Spooktacular

EBubble, bubble Diane’s in trouble. It’s Florence’s turn to Maggie cuddle. Happy Halloween from Paper News Out Loud! Only treats from our podcasters today. From the history of jack o’ lanterns to a spooky story to a very thorough walkthrough of proper carving techniques, you’re going to be in a sugar coma before you know it. This is Paper News Out Loud. Headline: https://www.history.com/topics/halloween/jack-olantern-history Wikihow: https://www.wikihow.com/Trick-or-Treat-Safely Music by Jake Harrison: https://soundcloud.com/atthisbeats Look at our website with them eyeballs: https://alternaterealityproductions.wordpress.com/ And check our the home of our network: https://almostbetter.net/ If you’re lucky, you’ll develop all the psychic powers! Support Paper News Out Loud by donating to the tip jar: https://tips.pinecast.com/jar/paper-news-out-loud Send us your feedback online: https://pinecast.com/feedback/paper-news-out-loud/9e528828-0e77-447f-938f-5f60522e2fd3 This podcast ...

30 MIN2018 OCT 31
Comments
Ep. 32 One More Halloween Spooktacular

Ep. 31 I Write Recipes Not Tragedies

EAt night when no one else can hear, Diane sings. She sings for gooey, delicious, warm chocolate chip cookies to appear in front of her. When they don’t, she weeps. In this week’s episode, back and better than ever, Diane teaches us about the proud history of chocolate chip cookies. Then Florence reveals to a listener what the secret sauce is to making your own recipes after our podcasters check the classifieds. This is Paper News Out Loud. Headline: https://www.businessinsider.com/the-chocolate-chip-cookie-was-invented-by-accident-2013-3 Wikihow: https://www.wikihow.com/Make-Your-Own-Recipe Music by Jake Harrison: https://soundcloud.com/atthisbeats Look at our website with them eyeballs: https://alternaterealityproductions.wordpress.com/ And check our the home of our network: https://almostbetter.net/ If you’re lucky, you’ll develop all the psychic powers! Support Paper News Out Loud by donating to the tip jar: https://tips.pinecast.com/jar/paper-news-out-loud Send us your feedb...

27 MIN2018 OCT 18
Comments
Ep. 31 I Write Recipes Not Tragedies

Ep. 30 Close Encounters with Mars and Meal Prepping

EOnce upon a time, Mars loved Earth so much that they just couldn’t stay away any longer. They moved closer and closer until they gently crashed into the blue planet and destroyed all the life on it. Diane takes us on an intergalactic journey through the mind of Mars and why it is just so darn close. Then our podcasters help us pack and prepare for our trip to the Red Planet. And finally, Florence helps a listener who needs a little help packing lunch. This is Paper News Out Loud. Headline: https://mars.nasa.gov/allaboutmars/nightsky/mars-close-approach/ Wikihow: https://www.wikihow.com/Plan-Weekly-Meals Music by Jake Harrison: https://soundcloud.com/atthisbeats Look at our website with them eyeballs: https://alternaterealityproductions.wordpress.com/ And check our the home of our network: https://almostbetter.net/ If you’re lucky, you’ll develop all the psychic powers!

34 MIN2018 AUG 9
Comments
Ep. 30 Close Encounters with Mars and Meal Prepping

Ep. 29 Flower Lemon Mango Power (and puppies)

EIn an alternate reality, M&Ms are called A&As. That reality is terrible and people who live there are sad. Florence teaches us about where our favorite candy brands (probably) got their names. Then Diane helps out a lonely listener who just wants a little puppy to love, but before that, our favorite podcasters teach us a delicious and tasty recipe. This is Paper News Out Loud. Headline: Http://www.todayifoundout.com/index.php/2010/05/what-the-ms-stand-for-in-mms/ https://www.leaf.tv/articles/the-history-of-the-3-musketeers-candy-bar/ https://www.rewindandcapture.com/why-is-skittles-called-skittles/ https://www.thefactsite.com/2016/01/skittles-history-and-facts.html Wikihow: https://www.wikihow.com/Love-Your-Puppy Music by Jake Harrison: https://soundcloud.com/atthisbeats Look at our website with them eyeballs: https://alternaterealityproductions.wordpress.com/ And check our the home of our network: https://almostbetter.net/ If you’re lucky, you’ll develop all the psychic powers! S...

40 MIN2018 JUL 26
Comments
Ep. 29 Flower Lemon Mango Power (and puppies)

Ep. 28 Breaking! All! The! Records!

EGuess which podcast just broke the world record for being the most informative podcast?!? Yeah, it wasn’t ours. Probably something put out there by NPR. Anyways, this week Florence teaches us all what we need to know about the Guinness Book of World Records and then some of the whackiest records out there. Then our podcasters bring storytime back again with the tale of a desert and a Tahoe. Finally, Diane gives us tips and tricks about how to break a world record of our own. This is Paper News Out Loud. Headline: http://www.businessinsider.com/weirdest-world-records-2015-5 https://www.guinnessworldrecords.com/60/throughtheyears.html Wikihow: https://www.wikihow.com/Get-Into-the-Guinness-Book-of-World-Records Music by Jake Harrison: https://soundcloud.com/atthisbeats Look at our website with them eyeballs: https://alternaterealityproductions.wordpress.com/ And check our the home of our new network: https://almostbetter.net/ If you’re lucky, you’ll develop all the psychic powers! T...

36 MIN2018 JUL 12
Comments
Ep. 28 Breaking! All! The! Records!

Ep. 27 The Galactic Naming Committee Presents...

EIt’s a bird! It’s a plane! It’s Florence and Diane! Our favorite podcasters return after temporarily being lost in time and space with a whole new fount of knowledge to share with their best friends (you all). Diane explains the complicated mechanics of how plane work, and then reveals to us the long awaited results of The Galactic Naming Committee’s movement to rename the moon. We hear all the latest classifieds that were posted in the alley and Florence helps out a listener who is born to rule. This is Paper News Out Loud. Headline: https://www.explainthatstuff.com/howplaneswork.html Wikihow: https://www.wikihow.com/Become-Prom-Queen Music by Jake Harrison: https://soundcloud.com/atthisbeats Look at our website with them eyeballs: https://alternaterealityproductions.wordpress.com/ And check our the home of our new network: https://almostbetter.net/ If you’re lucky, you’ll develop all the psychic powers! Send us your feedback online: https://pinecast.com/feedback/paper-news-o...

32 MIN2018 JUN 27
Comments
Ep. 27 The Galactic Naming Committee Presents...

Ep. 26 Ghost Ecology

EThe actual spooky thing about mountains is how they can read your thoughts, anticipate your every move, and remove you from existence at the snap of their rocky fingers. Maybe ghosts are the things to be scared of in this place. Our podcasters haunt our nightmares with some scary stories from the mountains and beyond. Diane teaches us that the sun is more than just a friendly fireball in the sky. And lastly, Florence helps a ghost who just doesn’t want to encounter other ghosts. This is Paper News Out Loud. Headline: http://mentalfloss.com/article/75567/ghost-stories-worlds-tallest-peaks Wikihow: https://www.wikihow.com/Avoid-Encounters-With-Ghosts-and-the-Paranormal Music by Jake Harrison: https://soundcloud.com/atthisbeats Look at our website with them eyeballs: https://alternaterealityproductions.wordpress.com/ And check our the home of our new network: https://almostbetter.net/ If you’re lucky, you’ll develop all the psychic powers! Send us your feedback online: https://pinec...

36 MIN2018 MAY 30
Comments
Ep. 26 Ghost Ecology

Latest Episodes

Ep. 35 Weirden Your Horizons

EIf you don’t wake up in the morning feeling like P. Diddy. If you don’t rise and shine. If you would rather burrow deep into your bed until the sheets attach to your skin, this episode is for you. Learn the proud history of the American breakfast from notorious breakfast lover Diane, followed by reviews of products to make your morning more delightful. Then our podcasters help a distressed morning diva find peace in coffee. This is Paper News Out Loud. A big ole thank you to all who submitted product ads: Sammy (@SammyMadafiglio) from Queer Dungeoneers (@QueerDungeons) Kyle (@KyleTheTurner) from The M Word (@mwordpod) Crispysteve (@Crispysteve42) Headline: https://priceonomics.com/how-breakfast-became-a-thing/ https://www.mashed.com/131396/5-things-you-should-eat-for-breakfast-and-5-you-should-always-avoid/ Products: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00E5LEQVE/ref=aslisstl?&ascsub&linkCode=sl1&tag=bfmaitland-20&linkId=450de12312ef5cb3cc720591289ecdf8 https://www.amazon.com/Hoan-Bagel-Gui...

41 MIN2019 JAN 30
Comments
Ep. 35 Weirden Your Horizons

Ep. 34 The Solstice Is Nigh

EIf four horsemen herald the apocalypse, who heralds the winter solstice? That’s right, it’s Florence and Diane. Armed with t-shirt cannons filled to the brim with confetti, hearts full of love, and eyes devoid of pupils, they’ve come knocking on your podcatcher to spread the joy of the solstice. Florence gives you a glimpse of what to expect during the solstice, they cuddle you by the yule log to lull you to sleep with a solstice tale, and Diane helps a listener get the best legal photos of the moon the world has ever seen. This is Paper News Out Loud. Headline: https://earthsky.org/astronomy-essentials/everything-you-need-to-know-december-solstice Wikihow: https://www.wikihow.com/Photograph-the-Moon Music by Jake Harrison: https://soundcloud.com/atthisbeats Look at our website with them eyeballs: https://alternaterealityproductions.wordpress.com/ And check our the home of our network: https://almostbetter.net/ If you’re lucky, you’ll develop all the psychic powers! Support Pap...

32 MIN2018 DEC 21
Comments
Ep. 34 The Solstice Is Nigh

Ep. 33 The Gift That Keeps Giving: Leftovers

EWhat has two heads and gobbles? Florence and Diane in this week’s post-Thanksgiving episode. Florence answers the big question, “Where did leftovers come from?” while Diane helps a helpless listener fix their cleaning conundrum. A little late for Black Friday, a fresh new stack of classifieds is coming our way. This is Paper News Out Loud. Headline: https://www.history.com/news/the-curious-history-of-leftovers Wikihow: https://www.wikihow.com/Clean-Your-House-After-a-Wild-Party Music by Jake Harrison: https://soundcloud.com/atthisbeats Look at our website with them eyeballs: https://alternaterealityproductions.wordpress.com/ And check our the home of our network: https://almostbetter.net/ If you’re lucky, you’ll develop all the psychic powers! Support Paper News Out Loud by donating to the tip jar: https://tips.pinecast.com/jar/paper-news-out-loud Send us your feedback online: https://pinecast.com/feedback/paper-news-out-loud/89f6a41d-acbb-4dce-9b9a-9f121a980f1a This podcast is...

34 MIN2018 DEC 20
Comments
Ep. 33 The Gift That Keeps Giving: Leftovers

Ep. 32 One More Halloween Spooktacular

EBubble, bubble Diane’s in trouble. It’s Florence’s turn to Maggie cuddle. Happy Halloween from Paper News Out Loud! Only treats from our podcasters today. From the history of jack o’ lanterns to a spooky story to a very thorough walkthrough of proper carving techniques, you’re going to be in a sugar coma before you know it. This is Paper News Out Loud. Headline: https://www.history.com/topics/halloween/jack-olantern-history Wikihow: https://www.wikihow.com/Trick-or-Treat-Safely Music by Jake Harrison: https://soundcloud.com/atthisbeats Look at our website with them eyeballs: https://alternaterealityproductions.wordpress.com/ And check our the home of our network: https://almostbetter.net/ If you’re lucky, you’ll develop all the psychic powers! Support Paper News Out Loud by donating to the tip jar: https://tips.pinecast.com/jar/paper-news-out-loud Send us your feedback online: https://pinecast.com/feedback/paper-news-out-loud/9e528828-0e77-447f-938f-5f60522e2fd3 This podcast ...

30 MIN2018 OCT 31
Comments
Ep. 32 One More Halloween Spooktacular

Ep. 31 I Write Recipes Not Tragedies

EAt night when no one else can hear, Diane sings. She sings for gooey, delicious, warm chocolate chip cookies to appear in front of her. When they don’t, she weeps. In this week’s episode, back and better than ever, Diane teaches us about the proud history of chocolate chip cookies. Then Florence reveals to a listener what the secret sauce is to making your own recipes after our podcasters check the classifieds. This is Paper News Out Loud. Headline: https://www.businessinsider.com/the-chocolate-chip-cookie-was-invented-by-accident-2013-3 Wikihow: https://www.wikihow.com/Make-Your-Own-Recipe Music by Jake Harrison: https://soundcloud.com/atthisbeats Look at our website with them eyeballs: https://alternaterealityproductions.wordpress.com/ And check our the home of our network: https://almostbetter.net/ If you’re lucky, you’ll develop all the psychic powers! Support Paper News Out Loud by donating to the tip jar: https://tips.pinecast.com/jar/paper-news-out-loud Send us your feedb...

27 MIN2018 OCT 18
Comments
Ep. 31 I Write Recipes Not Tragedies

Ep. 30 Close Encounters with Mars and Meal Prepping

EOnce upon a time, Mars loved Earth so much that they just couldn’t stay away any longer. They moved closer and closer until they gently crashed into the blue planet and destroyed all the life on it. Diane takes us on an intergalactic journey through the mind of Mars and why it is just so darn close. Then our podcasters help us pack and prepare for our trip to the Red Planet. And finally, Florence helps a listener who needs a little help packing lunch. This is Paper News Out Loud. Headline: https://mars.nasa.gov/allaboutmars/nightsky/mars-close-approach/ Wikihow: https://www.wikihow.com/Plan-Weekly-Meals Music by Jake Harrison: https://soundcloud.com/atthisbeats Look at our website with them eyeballs: https://alternaterealityproductions.wordpress.com/ And check our the home of our network: https://almostbetter.net/ If you’re lucky, you’ll develop all the psychic powers!

34 MIN2018 AUG 9
Comments
Ep. 30 Close Encounters with Mars and Meal Prepping

Ep. 29 Flower Lemon Mango Power (and puppies)

EIn an alternate reality, M&Ms are called A&As. That reality is terrible and people who live there are sad. Florence teaches us about where our favorite candy brands (probably) got their names. Then Diane helps out a lonely listener who just wants a little puppy to love, but before that, our favorite podcasters teach us a delicious and tasty recipe. This is Paper News Out Loud. Headline: Http://www.todayifoundout.com/index.php/2010/05/what-the-ms-stand-for-in-mms/ https://www.leaf.tv/articles/the-history-of-the-3-musketeers-candy-bar/ https://www.rewindandcapture.com/why-is-skittles-called-skittles/ https://www.thefactsite.com/2016/01/skittles-history-and-facts.html Wikihow: https://www.wikihow.com/Love-Your-Puppy Music by Jake Harrison: https://soundcloud.com/atthisbeats Look at our website with them eyeballs: https://alternaterealityproductions.wordpress.com/ And check our the home of our network: https://almostbetter.net/ If you’re lucky, you’ll develop all the psychic powers! S...

40 MIN2018 JUL 26
Comments
Ep. 29 Flower Lemon Mango Power (and puppies)

Ep. 28 Breaking! All! The! Records!

EGuess which podcast just broke the world record for being the most informative podcast?!? Yeah, it wasn’t ours. Probably something put out there by NPR. Anyways, this week Florence teaches us all what we need to know about the Guinness Book of World Records and then some of the whackiest records out there. Then our podcasters bring storytime back again with the tale of a desert and a Tahoe. Finally, Diane gives us tips and tricks about how to break a world record of our own. This is Paper News Out Loud. Headline: http://www.businessinsider.com/weirdest-world-records-2015-5 https://www.guinnessworldrecords.com/60/throughtheyears.html Wikihow: https://www.wikihow.com/Get-Into-the-Guinness-Book-of-World-Records Music by Jake Harrison: https://soundcloud.com/atthisbeats Look at our website with them eyeballs: https://alternaterealityproductions.wordpress.com/ And check our the home of our new network: https://almostbetter.net/ If you’re lucky, you’ll develop all the psychic powers! T...

36 MIN2018 JUL 12
Comments
Ep. 28 Breaking! All! The! Records!

Ep. 27 The Galactic Naming Committee Presents...

EIt’s a bird! It’s a plane! It’s Florence and Diane! Our favorite podcasters return after temporarily being lost in time and space with a whole new fount of knowledge to share with their best friends (you all). Diane explains the complicated mechanics of how plane work, and then reveals to us the long awaited results of The Galactic Naming Committee’s movement to rename the moon. We hear all the latest classifieds that were posted in the alley and Florence helps out a listener who is born to rule. This is Paper News Out Loud. Headline: https://www.explainthatstuff.com/howplaneswork.html Wikihow: https://www.wikihow.com/Become-Prom-Queen Music by Jake Harrison: https://soundcloud.com/atthisbeats Look at our website with them eyeballs: https://alternaterealityproductions.wordpress.com/ And check our the home of our new network: https://almostbetter.net/ If you’re lucky, you’ll develop all the psychic powers! Send us your feedback online: https://pinecast.com/feedback/paper-news-o...

32 MIN2018 JUN 27
Comments
Ep. 27 The Galactic Naming Committee Presents...

Ep. 26 Ghost Ecology

EThe actual spooky thing about mountains is how they can read your thoughts, anticipate your every move, and remove you from existence at the snap of their rocky fingers. Maybe ghosts are the things to be scared of in this place. Our podcasters haunt our nightmares with some scary stories from the mountains and beyond. Diane teaches us that the sun is more than just a friendly fireball in the sky. And lastly, Florence helps a ghost who just doesn’t want to encounter other ghosts. This is Paper News Out Loud. Headline: http://mentalfloss.com/article/75567/ghost-stories-worlds-tallest-peaks Wikihow: https://www.wikihow.com/Avoid-Encounters-With-Ghosts-and-the-Paranormal Music by Jake Harrison: https://soundcloud.com/atthisbeats Look at our website with them eyeballs: https://alternaterealityproductions.wordpress.com/ And check our the home of our new network: https://almostbetter.net/ If you’re lucky, you’ll develop all the psychic powers! Send us your feedback online: https://pinec...

36 MIN2018 MAY 30
Comments
Ep. 26 Ghost Ecology
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