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The Topical

The Onion

80
Followers
1.7K
Plays
The Topical

The Topical

The Onion

80
Followers
1.7K
Plays
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About Us

The Topical is the daily podcast from The Onion and Onion Public Radio, and the only podcast brave enough to ask: What if the news had sound effects? Join host Leslie Price each day as he barely scratches the surface of all the day’s top news stories. Journalism isn’t dead. It's using its dying breath to beg you to listen to The Topical. New episodes published every weekday by 5 a.m. Eastern time.

Latest Episodes

White House Vows To Have Something To Stick Into Your Arm By October

EInitial timelines have estimated a Covid vaccine could be available by early 2021, but according to the White House, we may have something even sooner. Hear why the Trump administration believes they will have some kind of sharp thing to puncture your skin and inject you with before the election. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

8 min1 d ago
Comments
White House Vows To Have Something To Stick Into Your Arm By October

Disney World On Lockdown After Mickey Escapes Enclosure, Rampages Through Park

EHear what steps Disney workers are taking to keep parkgoers safe from the bloodthirsty beast. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

9 min2 d ago
Comments
Disney World On Lockdown After Mickey Escapes Enclosure, Rampages Through Park

Ornithologists Attribute Owls’ Nocturnal Lifestyle To Hard Cocaine Habit

EHear what led researchers to conclude that the bird of prey is absolutely gaga for booger sugar. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

7 min5 d ago
Comments
Ornithologists Attribute Owls’ Nocturnal Lifestyle To Hard Cocaine Habit

Real Estate Experts Confirm Having George Clooney Living In Attic Greatly Increases Property Value

EIt’s the simple and surefire way to increase the resale value of your home. We have everything you need to know before making the investment and adding the actor, director, and two-time Sexiest Man Alive. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

9 min6 d ago
Comments
Real Estate Experts Confirm Having George Clooney Living In Attic Greatly Increases Property Value

Napkin Industry Under Fire For History Of Holding Greasy Slobs To Impossible Beauty Standards

EAfter ongoing public outcry from body positivity experts, hear why many popular napkin brands are changing their messaging today and proclaiming that gravy-stained bodies are beautiful. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

9 min1 w ago
Comments
Napkin Industry Under Fire For History Of Holding Greasy Slobs To Impossible Beauty Standards

National Weather Service Warns Recent Snow-Cainado May Be Tied To Professor Barnabas T. Vile’s Weather Destabilizing Machine

EPart blizzard, part hurricane, part tornado—all destruction. We have the latest on this unprecedented tsunami-hailstorm combination and why many experts believe it could be caused by the villainous Professor Vile and his weather-destabilizing machine. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

10 min1 w ago
Comments
National Weather Service Warns Recent Snow-Cainado May Be Tied To Professor Barnabas T. Vile’s Weather Destabilizing Machine

Student Loan Debt Making It More Difficult For Millennials To Subscribe To The Topical’s Patreon Despite Incredibly Low-Priced Membership Tiers

EHear why many young professionals saddled with student loan debt are struggling to afford basic necessities, like early access to episodes and exclusive content, despite it being priced as low as $5 per month. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

9 min1 w ago
Comments
Student Loan Debt Making It More Difficult For Millennials To Subscribe To The Topical’s Patreon Despite Incredibly Low-Priced Membership Tiers

Girl Scout Troop Raises Over $100,000 To Buy Corvette Because Fuck It, It’s Their Money, They Can Do What They Want

EHear the heartwarming story of Troop 242, and why this year they decided to put their Girl Scout cookie proceeds to good use and buy a 2020 Corvette Stingray with a 6-liter V8 engine and 400-plus horsepower. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

9 min1 w ago
Comments
Girl Scout Troop Raises Over $100,000 To Buy Corvette Because Fuck It, It’s Their Money, They Can Do What They Want

Diary Entries Reveal Benjamin Franklin’s Kite Experiment Was Early Attempt At Erotic Electrostimulation

EOn the anniversary of the signing of our nation’s Constitution, hear how the newly authenticated diary entries of Ben Franklin point to his revolutionary theory that electricity could be harnessed from lightning and trained to flow from the clouds to his erect penis, providing immense pleasure. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

8 min1 w ago
Comments
Diary Entries Reveal Benjamin Franklin’s Kite Experiment Was Early Attempt At Erotic Electrostimulation

Nation Calls For Return Of Theme Songs That Explain Show’s Whole Deal

EAmericans stand united today in their call for television programs to go back to the days when all episodes began with a catchy tune and lyrics that explained the entire concept of the show and its characters. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

9 min2 w ago
Comments
Nation Calls For Return Of Theme Songs That Explain Show’s Whole Deal

Latest Episodes

White House Vows To Have Something To Stick Into Your Arm By October

EInitial timelines have estimated a Covid vaccine could be available by early 2021, but according to the White House, we may have something even sooner. Hear why the Trump administration believes they will have some kind of sharp thing to puncture your skin and inject you with before the election. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

8 min1 d ago
Comments
White House Vows To Have Something To Stick Into Your Arm By October

Disney World On Lockdown After Mickey Escapes Enclosure, Rampages Through Park

EHear what steps Disney workers are taking to keep parkgoers safe from the bloodthirsty beast. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

9 min2 d ago
Comments
Disney World On Lockdown After Mickey Escapes Enclosure, Rampages Through Park

Ornithologists Attribute Owls’ Nocturnal Lifestyle To Hard Cocaine Habit

EHear what led researchers to conclude that the bird of prey is absolutely gaga for booger sugar. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

7 min5 d ago
Comments
Ornithologists Attribute Owls’ Nocturnal Lifestyle To Hard Cocaine Habit

Real Estate Experts Confirm Having George Clooney Living In Attic Greatly Increases Property Value

EIt’s the simple and surefire way to increase the resale value of your home. We have everything you need to know before making the investment and adding the actor, director, and two-time Sexiest Man Alive. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

9 min6 d ago
Comments
Real Estate Experts Confirm Having George Clooney Living In Attic Greatly Increases Property Value

Napkin Industry Under Fire For History Of Holding Greasy Slobs To Impossible Beauty Standards

EAfter ongoing public outcry from body positivity experts, hear why many popular napkin brands are changing their messaging today and proclaiming that gravy-stained bodies are beautiful. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

9 min1 w ago
Comments
Napkin Industry Under Fire For History Of Holding Greasy Slobs To Impossible Beauty Standards

National Weather Service Warns Recent Snow-Cainado May Be Tied To Professor Barnabas T. Vile’s Weather Destabilizing Machine

EPart blizzard, part hurricane, part tornado—all destruction. We have the latest on this unprecedented tsunami-hailstorm combination and why many experts believe it could be caused by the villainous Professor Vile and his weather-destabilizing machine. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

10 min1 w ago
Comments
National Weather Service Warns Recent Snow-Cainado May Be Tied To Professor Barnabas T. Vile’s Weather Destabilizing Machine

Student Loan Debt Making It More Difficult For Millennials To Subscribe To The Topical’s Patreon Despite Incredibly Low-Priced Membership Tiers

EHear why many young professionals saddled with student loan debt are struggling to afford basic necessities, like early access to episodes and exclusive content, despite it being priced as low as $5 per month. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

9 min1 w ago
Comments
Student Loan Debt Making It More Difficult For Millennials To Subscribe To The Topical’s Patreon Despite Incredibly Low-Priced Membership Tiers

Girl Scout Troop Raises Over $100,000 To Buy Corvette Because Fuck It, It’s Their Money, They Can Do What They Want

EHear the heartwarming story of Troop 242, and why this year they decided to put their Girl Scout cookie proceeds to good use and buy a 2020 Corvette Stingray with a 6-liter V8 engine and 400-plus horsepower. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

9 min1 w ago
Comments
Girl Scout Troop Raises Over $100,000 To Buy Corvette Because Fuck It, It’s Their Money, They Can Do What They Want

Diary Entries Reveal Benjamin Franklin’s Kite Experiment Was Early Attempt At Erotic Electrostimulation

EOn the anniversary of the signing of our nation’s Constitution, hear how the newly authenticated diary entries of Ben Franklin point to his revolutionary theory that electricity could be harnessed from lightning and trained to flow from the clouds to his erect penis, providing immense pleasure. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

8 min1 w ago
Comments
Diary Entries Reveal Benjamin Franklin’s Kite Experiment Was Early Attempt At Erotic Electrostimulation

Nation Calls For Return Of Theme Songs That Explain Show’s Whole Deal

EAmericans stand united today in their call for television programs to go back to the days when all episodes began with a catchy tune and lyrics that explained the entire concept of the show and its characters. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

9 min2 w ago
Comments
Nation Calls For Return Of Theme Songs That Explain Show’s Whole Deal
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